Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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