Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
