Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think i have herpe
just one?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
