Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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