I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
