Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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