I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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