the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
