We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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