It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
