Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
