Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have post one night stand depression
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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