Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize