i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
FUCK WHALES
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
