I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
