Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
