sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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