Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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