I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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