Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
