Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
