Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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