i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize