how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So many bounce houses so little time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
