Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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