drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
