Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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