I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
