Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
