Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize