I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
