just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
