I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
