so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And then he peed in my hair
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