just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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