Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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