I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
