Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
