Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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