ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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