i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
