Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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