I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think my moral compass just broke
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
