I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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