life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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