Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
