So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
