Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
