Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
