I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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