I'm going to jail i love you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
