the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
