We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
