It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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