So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize