wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
