Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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