dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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