Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize