I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize