so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
