She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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