Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
