3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
