Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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