Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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