It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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