Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
