I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
