I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
