and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
