just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
