dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This baby is an asshole
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
