I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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