So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
