I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
