Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
